So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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