No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
