3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
