Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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