using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
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HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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