i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
