I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
