there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
