i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
