When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
