she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
