Can i not drive my cunt home
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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