I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
