Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
