I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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