I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
