i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
