So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
they call him Oral-B. enough said
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
