come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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