I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
