I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
