Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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