My vagina just recognized that song.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
