I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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