it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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