I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We have so much sex to catch up on
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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