how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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