Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
