what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
