I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
