Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
