My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
