He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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