there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
