I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
