I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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