Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
