It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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