So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
