Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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