i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
