i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
