i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
