Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
