Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
