i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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