he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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