Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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