6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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