Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
