So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
