Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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