So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
