i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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