he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
