somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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