this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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