i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am available for nakedness
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
