u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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