No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
