batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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