i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
