The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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