Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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