Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
