that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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