this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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