Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
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dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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