It's Friday. Sex?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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