69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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