well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
