i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
