The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We have so much sex to catch up on
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
