Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
